Stuff

Today is one of those days that I am having a hard time getting my wits about me. Coffee..sugar..more coffee..more sugar..and nothing! I just can't seem to function, focus, or move. I've been thinking alot lately about all the stuff that belongs to me and my family and the fact that half of it is not really even needed. Although here I sit in the office with mounds...I mean MOUNDS of paperwork, receipts, dust, dirt and grime. Once again I feel weighed down by all this stuff. I'm thinking to myself.."Bad day to go through this. It will be here later if I just go lay on the couch til the kids get home from school. I can find something quick to do that will make it look like I was busy while they were gone."
So as I sit here amongst my stuff, I am listening to some inspirational music and pondering the correlation between all this ...did I mention MOUNDS OF STUFF...and thinking of how it gets in my way and my focus changes when I don't want to clean it out. Hmm...sometimes I don't want to clean out other things that need a serious cleaning. My heart, my thoughts, and all the other the stuff that comes between me and Him..
....... I just received a phone call that a dear little boy, whom I never had the pleasure of meeting, went home to meet Jesus this afternoon. Now that puts "my stuff" in perspective doesn't it?
Heavenly Father, Help me to focus on the big prize at the end of this journey. All you have blessed me here with is very temporary as Nathan's short life proves. Be with his loved ones Lord as they morn the loss of one very special boy. And help me to live each day as if it were my last. Amen


"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves so not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Matthew 6:19-21

Something to keep us thinking...

This video was sent to me by my son!
How awesome to watch the hearts of our
youth love Him! I could learn something from them!

HOW EXCITING!

I guess I forgot I was a blogger and how good it feels to sit down and vomit my thoughts. These last few weeks have been more than amazing. I have literally watched God performing miracles and I am awe struck to say the least.
Isn't that crazy that we are still amazed at what HE can do? Silly...HE created the world and everything in it. A couple weeks ago I was so fortunate to watch Him change the lives of teens in my community. WOW! I had the blessing of being security/make out patrol for our high school retreat. Sounds crazy....but I LOVED IT! Ok, the bed times were a little rough..3,4 and 7am. But by Gods grace the time flew....except the 6:30-7:00 time frame, but somehow doing it for Jesus made it all the more easier.
There was over 250 kids there, add that with the presence of God and AMAZING things happen. Since the retreat 92 high school kids have given their lives to Christ because they are tired of living for this world. What an inspiration to be around all these young new believers on fire for Him! And to be a part of that movement is something I feel very blessed to have witnessed. These kids will still have their struggles in this dirty world of ours, but their hearts have changed.
During the retreat my sweet little boy turned 18. (You know the age where they know everything.) So as his Momma, I wanted to give him something to remember it by. A video is what God layed on my heart to show in front of 270 of his closest friends from birth up. It was a hit. The only person I saw sink in their chair during the video was my daughter. Quite funny. They weren't photos that would make them need therapy or anything, just a tribute of Kyle's life before he became an adult.
Did I mention~ HE'S A ROCKSTAR?! (I'd like to take some credit for his musical talent, but I only look the part.) I could not be a prouder Mom to see my sons involvement in leading worship to those kids. Watching those kids worship is a sight in itself. It is something us parents could learn by.
My darling daughter never saw the need to be baptized prior to this incredible movement. Last Wednesday, she went in dirty and came out clean. I have been blessed to watch her grown into this young women with a heart for God.
Yesterday as we walked into our church there were two elderly woman plugging their ears coming out talking about the music from the service. Hailey and I just smiled and went in and sat down. As I watched the high school age kids during worship yesterday stand when not asked....worshiping our God with all there hearts..it was abundanly clear. As always God has a plan!

Gray

Isn't it amazing when you get a song in your head/heart for days maybe even weeks and your sure it's because you were meant to "enlighten" another! For days now I have had Casting Crowns song "Slow Fade" playing over and over in my head. Everytime I hear it I think of those close to me that I wish would "really tune into the lyrics"!
Jokes on me! I'm the one! Isn't it great God has such a great sense of humor!
Once again I did something that I am ashamed of. I want to hide my face from Him! Darn-it....there's that song AGAIN! Why does it keep playing over and over?

It's a slow fade, when you give yourself away.
It's a slow fade when black and white turn to gray.
And thoughts invade...choices made!
A price will be paid, when you give yourself away!
People never crumble in a day.....

Silly girl.........this songs for you! It hit me like a ton of bricks when I decided to go for a run...jog...walk...(whatever..I went!) I wanted to run from my choices and thoughts and dirt and grime. All those UGLY things that I don't want to share with anyone. Not even Him! Especially not Him! What will He think? I'm ashamed, embarrassed, angry, hurt, broken. I don't want to clean my closet let alone have anyone else see whats in it.

That's when it hit me. Things in my vision have definitely turned to gray. I am flat out hanging in the gray, and I'm not likin' it so much.

In Isaiah 40:26-31 it says:

Lift your eyes and look to the heavens:
Who created all these?
He who brings out the starry host one by one,
and calls them each by name.
Because of His great power and mighty strength,
not one of them is missing.
Why do you say, O Jacob,
and complain O Israel,
"My way is hidden from the Lord;
my cause is disregarded by my God"?
Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and His understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
(NIV)

Thanks to my dear friends who I know have been praying that I would notice the fade! Love you girls!

God's girl!

So you ever have so many things going through your head at once that it is hard to keep up with them.

What will Diane do with her hair?

Who will Mrs B fight with this week?

What did I do with those keys?

How did my stomach get sooooo big?

Why can't I be more like Gianna?

I heard an amazing speaker tonight at church. Our sanctity of life sermon...which is always a heart wrenching. So this time, I was actually prepared. With tissue in hand I sat with my family ready to sob for all those without a voice.

I sat there listening to this spunky woman who referred to herself as God's girl!

She was blessed with cerebral palsy.

One would ask....how could CP be a blessing? That's what she say's...."it is a BLESSING!"

Gianna is a survivor from a botched abortion. She was not supposed to be alive today. But she is...with a BIG voice for our Lord and Savior.

As I sat there listening to her, I was in awe of her faith. But why? Why would it surprise me that God could do all that he has promised us? She talked about how she hates victims.....the term we put on ourselves when we are at a loss off control of our circumstances.

She struck a cord with me. I struggle with depression. At times, I have to admit, I do feel like a victim. Why do I have to fight this paralyzing disease? Why is it such a struggle for me to lift my head off the pillow some mornings? As difficult as it is for me to fathom...God has blessed me with something that He WILL use for His glory.

Yeah...I don't get it. But I don't really have too.

If I put my trust and faith completely in Him, He WILL lift my head off that pillow each day, and I don't have to budge. His promises are far greater that my mind can comprehend. His promise is to never forsake me. How awesome is that!

Lord, help me to be YOUR GIRL!

GiannaJessen.com